The Birthday Party
by snarkysweetness
Summary: Emma and Henry throw August a surprise birthday party since no one knows when his birthday actually is. Can one have a birthday if they were never born?


**Title: **The Birthday Party  
**Author:** snarkysweetness  
**Rating:** PG-13  
**Characters:** Emma, Henry, August, Ruby, Killian, Geppetto, Blue, Neal, Archie, Charming, Snow, & Granny; Emma/August, Ruby/Killian, Blue/Geppetto, Snow/Charming, & Ruby/Neal  
**Summary:** Emma and Henry throw August a surprise birthday party since no one knows when his birthday actually is. Can one have a birthday if they were never born?  
**Warnings:** None.  
**Disclaimer:** I own nothing.  
**Author's Notes: **Wifey gave me this prompt ages ago and I finally made it work. I'm a day late, but happy birthday to Pinocchio, which premiered February 7, 1940.

"Are you sure this is a good idea?"

"Of course it is," Emma muttered as she blew away a loose piece of hair from her face. It was dark and she was freezing. Even with five layers and a winter coat the winter chill in Maine was something she'd never get used to. She spared a glance at their surroundings to make sure they hadn't been followed before ushering Henry forward. They snuck to the back entrance of the diner, through the alley, next to the Inn. She wasn't sure who would be awake at this hour but she wanted to be sure they wouldn't be caught sneaking in after hours, or before hours, whatever the hell it was.

All she knew was that it was five in the morning and they were commandeering the diner to set up a surprise birthday party for her husband and his step-father.

"If you're going to make me wake up this damn early, be on time," Ruby grumbled as she fumbled with the keys and unlocked the door. She gave a loud yawn, still half-asleep.

"August would not let me go this morning, every time I tried to get out of bed, he woke up," Emma explained by way of an apology.

"Uh huh and I'm sure you not being a morning person had nothing to do with it."

Emma shot her a glare and opened her mouth to retort but a loud voice howling through the still air interrupted.

"RUBY!"

Ruby rolled her eyes and pulled her robe tighter, to keep from giving Henry a peep-show.

"RUBY!"

"OH I AM COMING!" She cried, irritated.

"He's lucky there's no one here to wake, Granny may be quick with a bow when she's awake, but she sleeps like the dead."

Emma frowned and tried not to let her disgust show. Ruby was her friend, after all.

"Really? Hook? Just because you're feeling charitable doesn't mean you need to scrape from the bottom of the barrel," she said, not able to help herself.

"Says the woman who married a puppet."

"Yeah," Emma said with a shake of her head. "Not the same thing. Nice try, though."

"Whatever, I'm going back to bed."

"I'm sure you are. Enjoy slumming it."

Ruby flipped Emma the bird as she disappeared up the stairs. Emma snorted and carried the box she'd been carrying to the counter. She went in search of the light switches, needing just enough to see but not so much they'd be noticed sneaking about.

"Mom, are Ruby and Uncle Killia-"

"You know what, Henry, why don't you go make sure Granny left the cake out."

She was not having the sex talk with him now; especially not because that dumbass pirate that her man and her baby-daddy insisted on being friends with was upstairs defiling Ruby. A mental image filled her brain and she shook it off quickly, ready to vomit. Now was not the time for this; she had a surprise party to set up.

While she'd known August for years and they celebrated every one of her birthdays, Henry's, her parents, his dad's, etc. they had never once celebrated his. The sad fact was no one had any idea when it was. He hadn't been born in the traditional sense. His father had carved him from an enchanted tree; the Blue Fairy had brought him to life, and then after his first death had made him into a real person.

She and Henry had spent the past six months trying to figure out when his 'birthday' was and had come up with nothing. They couldn't decide which day was considered his 'birthday' and it wasn't like Geppetto kept time in their land so all they'd succeeded in doing was making him feel bad for not knowing.

"_He's your _son_! How do you not know when his birthday is?"_

_Geppetto stared down at his shoes guiltily while Blue shrugged._

"_You have to understand, in our world, we didn't keep track of time the way we do here, especially not fairies. And Geppetto was a simple craftsman living secluded in the forest. I know it was winter when he was first brought to life, around the time your mother discovered she was pregnant with you if I recall correctly."_

"_Yeah, like that helps."_

"_Do you think he is…displeased with us?" Geppetto asked, unsure. _

_Emma rolled her eyes. These Booth men were all the same; always trying to overcompensate._

"_No, that damn son of yours has probably never realized he hasn't ever celebrated his birthday properly."_

Sick of trying to get answers, Emma had finally snuck into his wallet and chosen the date he'd faked as his birthday in their world: February seventh. It seemed legit enough. She'd been born in October and he wasn't much older than she was so February it was.

"All of the food is here," Henry announced.

"Good, come on, let's decorate."

Two hours later, as the sun began to rise in the distance, Emma inspected their work. She had to admit, it wasn't bad.

"Hey, guess who brought doughnuts."

"DAD!"

Emma turned and gave Neal a look of disgust.

"Look who decided to sleep in and show up when all of the work was done. Some best friend you are."

"Ah, come on, Emma, I need my beauty sleep."

"Why, so you can bang all of the hot single chicks in town?"

Spoiler alert: there weren't any left that he hadn't banged.

Neal was such a moron, losing Ruby to Hook of all people. Sometimes, she wanted to smack him upside the head and ask him what in the hell was wrong with him.

"Out of my way, boy!" Granny barked as she entered the diner like a hurricane. She distrusted Neal because of his father, but Neal took every opportunity he could to suck up to the old woman to get into her good graces. This morning he chose to flirt, which she was having none of.

"Save it, boy. I'd rather have that pirate who's upstairs shaking up with my granddaughter."

"See, I knew they were having sex," Henry muttered as Neal scowled, probably trying not to imagine his step-father banging his ex-girlfriend. It was bad enough the poor guy had lost his other ex-girlfriend to his best friend.

"Oh my God, it is too early for this shit," Emma groaned. She made a mental note to find someone for Neal. She wanted him to be happy, after all. Then she made another mental note to instruct Neal and August on how she wanted them to give Henry the sex talk.

"Here, have some coffee."

"Thanks, Granny."

She allowed herself to enjoy her coffee before checking the time.

"Okay, you two go and get August here. Everyone should be here soon."

"You're insane for having a birthday party at the ass-crack of dawn," Neal told her for the hundredth time.

"Everyone we know eats breakfast here. It's a Friday, the rest of us have jobs, Neal. Now, go. Tell him I had to go to the station and you want bacon. I don't know, just get him here."

"Fine, come on, son; let's go get your other dad. You know, someday, when your mom gets sick of August, maybe I'll just marry him," Neal told him as he led Henry out of the diner.

Emma rolled her eyes.

"But then who would mom be with? I don't want her to be alone."

"Regina."

"Nah, how about Ruby? I like her."

"Yeah? Me too."

"Now I see why he and that pirate get along so well, they're both idiots," Granny barked before putting more coffee on the pot.

"Can't argue with that one," Emma agreed as she helped Granny fry up some bacon and make pancakes. Ruby arrived as they laid out the food buffet style, looking annoyed.

"The pirate being clingy?"

"Yup," she muttered as she reached for a piece of bacon.

"I warned you," Emma said, not wanting to say 'I told you so'.

"At least he seems to know what he's doing, judging by the noises I hear," Granny offered and the two younger women cringed.

"Do you want him? I'll gladly hand him over. He thinks a few sex sessions means we're dating-"

"Hello, beautiful ladies and…Swan."

Emma shot him a glare as he attempted to give Ruby a kiss and she walked off to find something better to do. She smirked as other party guests filled in the diner.

"Geppetto what is…" She cocked her head to the side as he and her father carried in a large…she gave her dad a long glare. "That better not be what I think it is."

"I told them it was a bad idea," Archie offered.

"It's a crib!"

"For what, dad?"

"We want grandchildren."

"Who is we?"

Her mother pointed between her father and Geppetto, making it clear she had nothing to do with this.

"First of all, you have Henry. Second of all…this is August's birthday party. I don't think he wants a crib for a baby we're never going to have."

"You do not know my boy, he will love this. And don't say 'never'."

Emma had no desire to watch a misty-eyed Geppetto try to guilt her into giving him grandchildren so she turned and walked into the kitchen to hide.

"Regretting not just banging his brains out and giving him a cupcake," Ruby asked.

"Yeah, actually," Emma replied. Next year that was exactly what she was going to do.

"All of you shut up and hide! They're coming," Granny ordered.

"What was it like growing up with that?" Emma muttered.

"Difficult," Ruby admitted. The left the lights on and Ruby stood at the counter, pretending to be working a slow shift as the bell above the door chimed.

"Morning, boys," she greeted, ushering them over to the counter.

"Ruby, looking lovely as usual," August greeted as he approached his seat. Before he could sit everyone jumped out from their hiding spots and yelled 'surprise'. He glanced around, confused until Emma emerged from the kitchen carrying his birthday cake. She'd decided to hell with it and put thirty-nine candles on his cake; it was how old it said he was on his driver's license and that was what she was sticking to.

"This is for me?" He asked, his voice conveying how touched he was. Emma set his cake down and leaned over to press a kiss to his cheek.

"Make a wish," she whispered as the guests began singing the birthday song.

"I already have everything I could want," he whispered in return and she smirked.

"Well, do it anyway, its tradition."

He gave her a smile before blowing out his candles, with Henry's help, and then made his rounds thanking everyone for coming. Emma stood off to the side, munching on a piece of bacon, allowing him to enjoy his special day. Two arms snaked her around the waist and she found herself in August's lap on one of the barstools a moment later.

She pressed a kiss to his lips before offering him a bite of her bacon.

"So, what did you wish for?"

"This."

"Bacon?"

"No, you," he whispered before burying his face in her neck. She smiled and wrapped her arms around his neck.

"I hate to break this to you but you wasted your wish; you already have me."

"Yes, but I want to keep you."

Emma pressed their noses together before kissing him properly.

"I think we can arrange that."

"I don't have plans tonight, why don't you come by."

"Aren't you banging my step-father?"

"Yeah and?"

Emma bit her lip to keep from laughing and buried her face in August's neck. From their seat they could hear Neal and Ruby in the kitchen.

"It's bad enough I have to be tunnel buddies with him, I don't know if I can handle-"

"Oh, please. I only had sex with him because I was bored. I don't want to date him. See, I was sort of into this idiot guy but now that he has a kid he's all afraid of commitment."

"Should we say something?" August whispered and Emma shook her head. She missed the end of their conversation but Ruby stormed past and Neal emerged from the kitchen looking like a wounded puppy.

"Maybe we should help him get Ruby back."

"Nah let him work for it. Besides, once Hook moves on to the next pretty thing he catches in his sights Ruby will stop trying to punish him."

"Poor guy…"

Emma shook her head and pressed another kiss to his lips.

"Fine, we'll let him suffer for another week and then we'll try to help, deal?"

August smiled.

"Deal."

"So, tell me, how did you know today was my actual birthday? I didn't think anyone but me knew."

Emma opened her mouth to tell him she hadn't known when it occurred to her that he'd probably just used his real birthday when he'd made up his identity in this world; the less you had to lie about the easier it was to pass yourself off as someone else.

"Well, I'm your wife. I know everything."

He gave her a knowing look but let it slide.

"Thank you, for all of this, it's nice."

"You're welcome. I mean, you're an alright husband, I guess, you deserve to have your life celebrated at least once."

He pressed a kiss to her temple and held her close.

"So…why haven't you ever celebrated it on your own? I mean, do you know how long it took me to figure out when to have this shindig for you?"

"It doesn't matter," he replied and she gave him a 'look'.

"August-"

"Don't worry about-"

"Is this because of your complex? Because, you know, you're real, August. You deserve-" He shot her a look that said to drop it but she wasn't in the mood. She pressed her mouth to his and made him look her in the eye.

"August, everyone in this room loves you. Just because you weren't made the way the rest of us were doesn't make you any less of a human being than everyone else. You're a good man and you make me and Henry happy and that is all that matters to me. You deserve to celebrate your life every year like the rest of us." She pressed a hand to his cheek and gave him a small pout. "I just wished you'd see that."

"I'm trying," he said after a moment and she sighed, knowing that was as much as she'd get. Next year, she'd make the party bigger, and keep out-doing herself every year until he started to accept that he was worthy of celebration.

She kissed him once more before hopping off his lap.

"The kid is summoning you," she whispered as Henry called for August to open his presents. August pressed a kiss to the top of her head and whispered another 'thank you'. She grabbed him by the arm before he could leave and gazed up at him with a smile.

"Happy birthday."

August lifted her hand to his lips and kissed her knuckle before disappearing into the small crowd. She watched him with a smile, glad the kid had given her the idea to do this. She momentarily wondered if maybe the _Pinocchio_ blu-ray she'd bought him was a bad choice of a gift, but brushed it aside. Whatever insecurities it would awaken in him would be put to bed when she took him to bed for his real gift later tonight.


End file.
